Abandon

 Abandon. It's the word I have heard repeated to me as I speak to friends about this journey on which I embark. Of course, I couldn't really say what "abandon" means, so I had to hunt down my dictionary. What I didn't know is that abandon is both a noun and a verb. And the definition I was looking for was the noun. "A thorough yielding to natural impulses. Enthusiasm. Exuberance." My eyes skimmed down a bit to see that "abandoned" is defined as: wholly free from restraint. I like these two definitions. When I have considered the idea of reckless abandon in the past, I have never really been able to see farther than the reckless part. Reckless abandon seemed more idealistic than realistic. But looking at it as a noun is a completely new story. Abandon in character, not abandon of responsibility. 
 I have decided to start saying "yes" to my life. At the age of 30, I am utterly shackled down with expectations, mostly my own. I've repeatedly said "no" to much of my life, using "better judgement" as an excuse for my decision. But looking backward, I can see now that what I deemed "better judgement" was really fear. Fear of everything we all fear. Losing control, rejection, loneliness, fill in the blank. But I should like to live with abandon, to be free from restraint. And that is what I am motivated by as I begin a decisive adventure next year. 
 So far I have tallied fifteen cities I would like to see. How did I narrow my list? Every city holds a friend, and what is travel without people? Whenever I return and remember my journey, the part that always stands out is the people I encounter, old friends and new. I guess what interests me more than the cities themselves is who lives there. What is a day in the life of a New Yorker, a Californian, or a Seattlite? Will I walk away taking some of their lifestyle to integrate with mine?
 My writing is rusty and blogging is something that is new to me. The past month I have done a lot of thinking about the logistics of Runaway Marie. Thankfully, I came to one conclusion about the format I will be using. While recently sitting at a diner in New York City, I was eating an excellent hamburger thinking that I would like to share the experience on my blog. But the technology was too cumbersome, and I felt that if I was constantly updating a blog I might miss what I actually came to see. It's like walking around with a camera photographing an entire day, but never stopping to be present within the scenery.
 Instead of figuring out a way to share the tastiness of Heavenly Burger online, I picked up my Steinbeck book and enjoyed my dinner. I decided right there that I will be writing a couple of weeks after I visit each city, letting my experiences percolate and produce what they will. After all, a blog is not Twitter or Facebook.  


 "Go to the Ufizzi in Florence, the Louvre in Paris, and you are so crushed with the numbers, once the might of greatness, that you go away distressed, with a feeling like constipation. And then when you are alone and remembering, the canvases sort themselves out; some are eliminated by your taste or your limitations, but others stand up clear and clean. Then you can go back to look at one thing untroubled by the shouts of the multitude." 
John Steinbeck - Travels with Charley